I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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