Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
