Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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