Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
