I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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