I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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