I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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