I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
