I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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