Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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