this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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