Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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