He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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