I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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