And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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