if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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