once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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