I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
