Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize