Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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