I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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