Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
