pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
