Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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