You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
