so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
