i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize