watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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