He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
