last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
