when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you win again, gameday.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
