Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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