bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
