i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I had to cum in my sink.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
