i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
