You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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