I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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