Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
