I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can't put those talents on a resume
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
