my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
