Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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