Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
