it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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