so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
