"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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