Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize