Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

who is canola oil?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you're an idiot.

Fav 64 3493 1299
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.

Fav 19 3442 1026
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.

Fav 72 3379 940
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(704): View more from North Carolina

you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"

Fav 19 6774 1163
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.

Fav 22 4054 1228
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(983): View more from

I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again

Fav 11 833 2655
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(941): View more from Florida

I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.

Fav 9 2002 1142
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(425): View more from Washington

Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.

Fav 1 80 28
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(415): View more from California

Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."

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