She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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