We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
