This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
