Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
