i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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