I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
