well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The best revenge is premature balding
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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