i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
