McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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