I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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