I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
