I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
