if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
