that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I AM VODKA MAN
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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