I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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