I feel like abortions should bother me more
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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