whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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