perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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