Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
