i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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