i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
