I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize