I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
