Betty ford says i'm here all night
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
